Ok first off I want to say right now, before we go any further, how much I ADORE this game. If this game were human I would have sex with it. ALOT. Like all the damn time. Don't think I haven't imagined because I have. Alot.

I just wanted to convey the depths of much I love this game. I'll stop the crazy now.

Moving on....

I need more games like this. I CRAVE them.


Fable 2 is even better (YES, I never thought I'd say that) than it's previous incarnation. Not only has everything been given a shiny new coat of paint but the combat has had a HUGE overhaul and customization has finally been introduced. Now I have to point out just a few TINY flaws.

First off one thing that annoyed me was the new expression wheel. That is to say I didn't think I'd have to open it EVERY TIME I wanted to use one. See in the first Fable we were able to pick certain expressions (and items) on the D-Pad for quick use. Now we can't. Tiny little irk but I felt compelled to mention it.

My second complaint was the autosave. When I played the first Fable I learned very quickly that saving before events is both useful and wise. Fable's morality is in a constant black and white zone and you really only have the choice to be good or evil (Purity and Corruption levels in Fable 2 don't count as they really only affect your appearance and NOT your alignment.) and while this may SEEM to make the choices easy, trust me when I say it's not that simple. Especially in Fable 2. There were several instances where I had to set my controller down and think about my choices. Unlike Fable 1 you couldn't make a choice and then immediatly restart/reload if you weren't happy with it. In Fable 2 that choice is taken from you as the game autosaves after events are completed. You are stuck with your choice for good or ill. Trust me you'll be regretting that soon enough.

Now since we're on the topic of morality I feel compelled to point out another flaw. This one is actually somewhat larger and consists of two parts. The first part of this complaint is the fact that morality doesn't seem to matter this time around in the Fable universe. Whether you choose to be good or evil never affects the game (except maybe right at the very end when you use the music box. I don't know if you can use it or choose not to as I didn't hesitate to kick Lucian's ass with it so this is debatable) you get through the storyline going really in one direction the whole time. In fact I didn't really reach a problem with my morality until I reached Bloodstone. Yes, glorious Bloodstone building it's empire on the shattered remains of Oakvale (which was a BIG DAMN SHOCK for me when I found out). While in Bloodstone I had to go on a quest to the Temple of Shadows. Now I was expecting to have to kick some serious evil as and protect villagers from being sacrified and all that jazz. That I was ready for. What I wasn't prepared for was the choice I was forced to make in there. I had to choose between sacrificing either my own youth, strength, and beauty right before a huge battle that I KNEW was coming up after this quest and thus crippling myself or giving up an innocent villager to the same fate instead of me. I chose the villager. Now this may seem like a pretty simple choice but sitting there having to listen to her cries of mercy and begging for help out turn to screams of anguish and pain is not an easy task. I was almost regretting my choice after doing it. Almost.

So to make the first part of this complaint, I didn't like that choices were so black and white (Although while saying that I do admire the storyline for taking me so far into the game that I felt like Satan at that point).

Now part two of that complaint is more complicated. It has to do with the character Reaver's morality. Now Reaver is the Hero of Skill and since Theresa makes me go recruit him to our cause I'm guessing he's supposed to be good like the other two. He isn't. He's evil as Hell. I'm sorry. He is. He sacrificed countless innocent people just so he could remain immortal and he shot an innocent villager right in front of me for no reason other than he wanted to. I even found out later that he just might actually be the Hero of Oakvale (the hero from Fable 1) who sacrificed the ENTIRE VILLAGE of Oakvale to the Shadow Court for his gain. His diary entries seem to suggest so anyway. Now admittedly he SEEMED to regret this action as also stated in his diaries but if so then why does he continue to kill people to stay immortal? He even says at the end of the game that he will continue to do so. That just bugs me for some reason. If he's good then why does he do these things? And more importantly WHY DOESN'T HE HAVE HORNS? I mean I kill ONE PERSON and I get horns and everything. This bitch has been doing it for 500 years and he's prettier than me!

I do ADORE Reaver though. He and Garth are my favorite characters. I almost wish I could play as them. But then they wouldn't be voiced by the AMAZING Stephen Fry and Ron Glass respectively. I almost had an eargasm just listening to them. Although I didn't know exactly who Reaver's voice was I had a feeling of "omg I know that voice" until my friend alerted me to his voice actor. Ron Glass however I knew IMMEDIATELY. I was like "omg the only black guy in the game is SHEPARD BOOK. That makes so much effing sense I swear."

Actually that brings me to one more complaint. I am a little miffed that this time around there was only ONE PERSON OF COLOR. I mean wtf. In Fable 1 we had at least 2. Now there's just one. (who is admittedly more awesome than the previous two put together.)

The Last complaint I have to make is the ending of Fable 2. I both hate and love it. See the thing is you are completely deprived of a final showdown. Yes, you read that right. There is no final boss fight with Lucian like most people were expecting. You pretty much get to watch him power up like a Super Saiyan and then suck that supposedly amazing power right out of him with the music box from the beginning (which makes no sense btw.) Now while I did laugh at that the fact of the matter is I wanted a final battle. I didn't want to just shoot him over the edge of the Tower which is what you end up doing right after you drain him. While it does have a bit of poetic justice to it (seeing as how he shot you the same way in the beginning of the game), it still just doesn't satisfy the way a good boss battle would. I mean if all he needed was a music box and a single bullet WHY DID WE HAVE TO GET THE THREE HEROES? Why didn't we just shoot his ass back when we were starting out? THEN NO ONE WOULD HAVE DIED! But I digress. The ending is good however in the three choices you are then to make (more on those choices later).

Now I wanna move on to the things I enjoyed best out of Fable 2.

I honestly don't know where to begin so I think I'll start with Theresa's character. I didn't expect her to be in this honestly. I was amazed. At first I thought she was just a homage to the previous Theresa of Fable 1 but I honestly believe now (and others with me) that she is in fact the same girl. I also believe she is evil and will come back to kick my ass in Fable 3. Yes, it's true. There are MANY hints to this in the game.

There are several hints throughout Fable II that Theresa conceals a much darker nature than she lets on, and that she may be a potential antagonist in the future.

• Lucien brings the main character and his/her sister to his castle after hearing from someone that they've successfully activated the music box. Since the seller claimed it was simply a wish granting magic box, Theresa is the only person who could have known that the children purchased and activated an old kingdom artifact.

• After becoming aware of Sister Hannah's vows of pacifism, Theresa mentions that she will need to find a reason for Hannah to fight. Lucien becomes aware of Hannah's location and his henchman kill her father almost immediately after this.

• After gathering the the four heroes and "activating" the spire power within them, Theresa vanishes. Lucien then appears from nowhere and acts completely non-concerned with Theresa's absence. When asked how he found their location he states, "I listened."

• After Lucien's death, Theresa gives the player the reward of his choice and then ominously states: "But the spire... is mine, begone." After which the player has no further contact with her.

• It is inferred that she will become the main antagonist in any expansions or DLC, following Lucien's apparrent death and several allusions to her darker nature.
• (copied from Fable Wiki)

I'm not the only person to believe this theory and if I am indeed correct it only makes one more amazing thing that ties the games together.

They bring alot of leftovers from Fable 1 in actually. There is Twinblade's Tomb that I for one enjoyed exploring and even the tomb of Lady Grey. Not only that but you can REVIVE Lady Grey in an optional side quest and marry her if you wish. You'll get evil points for marrying her instead of letting her marry the CREEPY stalker gravekeeper (which I so didn't do just to hear him scream "I can't even compete against other women in this!) but it's worth it for hardcore Fable fans. Warning though. If she starts pissing you off (and she will after an hour when she starts whining about where she lives and how much money you have) you CANNOT kill her. I seriously tried to kill her with EVERYTHING I had and the bitch wouldn't stay down. So don't marry zombie brides. It never works out.

Another fun homage to Fable 1 was the addition of an alternate ending for Rose (your sister) if you choose the love ending. She sends you a letter after she is resurrected and in this letter she seems to be staying with a man. A man who wears hooded robes and is very skinny, she also alludes to him being a king and says she feels safe with him. All the evidence suggests that this man is Scythe (or Jack of Blades but since we pretty much kicked Jack's ass after Fable 1 and Scythe is immortal we'll believe it's Scythe).

Speaking of the ending to Fable 2 I want to say that I was AMAZED by the choice you have to make at the end of it. That was the hardest of them all and it was big enough to me that I still wonder which I should have done. You have only three choices at the end: one is Sacrifice. The definitive good choice. To bring back all the people who had died in the making of the Spire (it numbers in the millions) but your dog and sister stay dead. . Another choice is Love. You can bring back your dog (who dies RIGHT AT THE DAMN END OF THE GAME) and sister but no one else. All those people who died horribly in the making of the Spire stay dead. The last choice is the definitive evil one, Wealth. You can choose to get a million dollars. No one gets revived. Not even your dog.

It's a hard choice.

For all three even. Because even if your not evil that million dollars is hard to pass up. Especially if you want to buy Castle Fairfax and all the AWESOME bonuses and exclusive items and quest inside. And the choice between Sacrifice and Love is also really hard in the fact that you essentially get nothing out of the Sacrifice choice except the achievement (although Hammer is surprisingly happy that you picked it. She'll kinda halfway be angry at you if you pick Love.) However I must say Love is the best choice. Merely because no one gets mad at you and you really need your dog to continue. For treasures and such and there are some treasures you can't get without your dog.

Review to be Continued Tomorrow

Disney. It's a beloved family name. Everyone knows it and everyone grows up loving at least one of their movies. But what if it wasn't such a good idea for kids to watch Disney movies?

Now first off I want it to be known I am a DEVOUT Disney Lover so this essay is just me trying to write about something for fun. That being said...

Every girl wants to be a Princess at least ONCE in their lives (yes folks, even me.) We see girls like Ariel and Jasmine up on the screen and wish we could be them, lead their lives. However it's once we get older we think back (some of us at least) and wonder if we really would still want to be them. When I was a child I used to love the disney princess because they weren't like other girls. They weren't damsels in distress or silly, simpering strumpets (god I love alliteration) waiting for their princes. OR WERE THEY? Let's take a look.

 First up we have Ariel. Now at first glance Ariel seems to be something more. She isn't interested in being a princess. She just wants to explore and find out things. She wants MORE. Now even though she comes off as a courageous, bright girl who's only interest is in learning she isn't that girl. Not only does she forsake her whole "explorer" idea earlier on but she loses it for a MAN. She does everything in her power to get that man even SELL HER BODY. Yeah I said it because it's true. She pretty much sells herself to Ursula (well her voice anyway) Who is in fact a DRAG QUEEN. No really. Ursula was modeled after the famous drag queen Devine. Which means that Ursula is Ariel's pimp which makes her a whore.

"Ursula can you get me my man?I feel like I should come to you, the woman who is my father's SWORN ENEMY for this instead of trying to get a guy on my own."

"You got my money bitch? No? Well I'm taking something. Gimme your voice." (Seriously who the hell pays someone with their freaking voice? JESUS.)

And then guess what? THE GUY DOESN'T LIKE HER. I don't care what anyone says about this. I've seen the movie and I say that guy didn't like her.

In that dress I wouldn't like her as either. I mean god pink dress and red hair? WERE THEY COLORBLIND OR SOMETHING? I bet they were blinded after looking at that. Geez.

She was just a cute pet. Look he got in a god damn boat in this secluded MAGICAL place ALONE with her. The animals were singing (which in Disney is code for NOOKY TIME) and the moon was full and high, and I SWEAR TO GOD He was all like "hmm I wonder what's for dinner." No, look.

That is NOT the face of a guy in love. I don't care what you think. That is the face of a man who's wishing he hadn't given this girl the lead on. Which technically he didn't but god damn it that girl is desperate. I mean look at THIS:

WTF IS THIS?! SWEET CHRIST we are teaching our children to look like this. That is clearly Ariel's bedroom look (and if it is GOD HELP HER it needs work) but even after giving him that look HE STILL DOESN'T KISS HER. NO.


Now fast forward to the wedding. Ok blah blah he's hypnotized and what not Oh god someone save us all blah blah LOCKET SMASH. Now here's where I get mad. He doesn't praise Ariel for breaking his moments (life?) of STUPID. Instead he falls in love with her ON THE SPOT for her VOICE. And the stupid bint lets him. OH GOD I'TS WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED! A superficial man that only wants me for my attributes! HOORAY!

MY GOD THE SPARKLES! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE PERSON DOING COSTUMES FOR THIS MOVIE? Why is no one freaked out about this?

Take that feminism. We're not going exploring anymore. No, fuck that noise. We're gonna get married at SIXTEEN and have a kid within a YEAR.

They just can't design dresses right for this movie. LOOK AT THE DAMN SLEEVES!! WHAT IS THAT MESS?!


At least ONE PERSON has some sanity in this movie. Look at that look on her father's face. Even he knows this shit is sick. Meanwhile her sisters whores 1 through 6 are so damn happy they don't have to put up with her crazy ass anymore they're about to implode with happiness.

Yea. Great role modeling Ariel. Nice lesson for the kids.

"Oh my god I'm such a whore..."


Now let's move onto another one. Belle. YES THAT'S RIGHT.
Belle used to be my favorite when I was younger because she READ THINGS. She didn't fall for the proverbial hottie Gaston (who personally seemed as hot as a pile of hot shit in my opinion) and she had SMARTS. OR DID SHE?

Now when we first get our glances at Belle she strolls through a town reading a book, singing IN KEY WITH OTHER TOWNSFOLK, and avoiding obstacles like water falling on her head and moving carts driven by crazy french people who have never heard of BRAKES. THAT IS TALENT.

Our general opinion of her when she sees Gaston is she thinks he's a tool and doesn't want to get married. Ok kinda cool. I dig the feminism approach. Got it. BUT THEN...SHE FALLS FOR A BEAST.

Now I'm gonna stop here and explain something to you guys. I know that Beauty and the Beast is SUPPOSED to be about a girl falling in love with a guy for who he is INSIDE and not looking on the outside and what not. Here's my problem with that. HE'S A TOTAL DICK INSIDE. No, really. This is the guy who was gonna let an OLD WOMAN FREEZE TO DEATH in one of France's COLD ASS WINTERS OF DEATH while he sat all snuggles in his STUPIDLY LARGE CASTLE.

Which brings me to another point. WHY THE FUCK IS HIS CASTLE SO BIG? My god do you realize he lives there BY HIMSELF with the exception of SERVANTS? WHERE ARE HIS PARENTS?! WTF IS GOING ON THERE?
Anyway. So she falls for the total dick and it's happy ending time.

"Let's dance the dance of stupid love!" (the reality is I LOVE this scene. Also did you know it's IMPOSSIBLE to find good Beauty and the Beast screenshots? WTF!)

And I know some of you are thinking that she CHANGES him in the end and he becomes a better person and for those of you that say that I would like to direct you to a lovely movie. It's the sequel to Beauty and the Beast and it's called the "Enchanted Christmas" or as I like to call it "HE DIDN'T LEARN A GOD DAMN THING!" Not only does the Beast go back to being EXACTLY as he was in the first movie, he almost kills Belle. No I'm not kidding. She almost freezes to death from STUPIDLY falling in an ice lake trying to get him a motherfucking tree for his UNDESERVED and UNWANTED Christmas and what does he do? LOCKS HER IN A GOD DAMN COLD, ASS DUNGEON.Apparently hypothermia is not a problem in France. So Belle marries a jerk and everyone's cool with it.

This is how the movie should have ended.



..............yea I scare me too.


Moving on to the next girl. Now this one I'm conflicted about. Esmerelda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Now Esmerelda is sometimes my favorite Disney chick and sometimes she's not. At first glance she seems to be a GREAT role model for girls. She's anti authority, she doesn't dress like a whore, and she is actually a kind and caring being. I remember the first time I saw that movie I was amazed at the cruel treatment of Quasimodo. I mean I read the original novel but somehow seeing it animated on my tv in Disney style made it much worse. I mean this movie SANG TO YOU and then pretty much ended the song by kicking you in the balls. Let me just take the time here to lead you through the opening of this movie to prove my point.

Ok so we start out with this cute little jester guy pracing about singing to the kids. Aww it's so cute. Oh look he's putting on a puppet show



....wait...what's he singing about? Monsters?....ok little odd but whatever it's still bright and colorful and the kids are enjoying it.

Puppets, puppets, puppets, MURDER.




I'm serious. The movie is just like that. It's a cute puppet show that cuts to this horrible scene of total oppression and then HEARTLESS MURDER. On church steps.

....................

To be that honest I'm not surprised by ANYHTING this guy does by the end of the movie. I mean look at these screenshots.

MY GOD. What is he doing to that pole?! JESUS.

SWEET CHRIST. HE'S DARING YOU TO LOOK!

THEY LET THIS MAN AROUND THEIR CHILDREN!!!

"What kid? I swear I never touched her officer!"

Don't you just love Disney? I realize now I got a we bit off topic. Sorry for that.

Anyway....
 

I mean there you have these happy people dancing about in bright colors and it's like YAY a FESTIVAL. JOYOUS RAPTURE. WHAT FUN TIMES ARE AHEAD! EQUALITY FOR ALL!!



AND THEN THE TOMATOES START FLYING.

"TASTE MY PRODUCED HATRED!!"


SPLAT! You hear that? That's the sound of children all the world crying from the injustice of it all and somewhere far away Michael Moore is scratching himself and preparing to make another film.

I swear I don't know what is wrong with French people in Disney movies but DAMN.

So yea. Then we see Esmerelda who had JUST RECENTLY did a POLE DANCE (continued below)

(note the purple and red color scheme. Can you say WHORE OF BABYLON?! That's right. I knew you could.)

You are so barking up the wrong tree honey. Unless your small, male, and singing soprano in a choir you ain't got what he wants.



(cont.) for the crowd get up and basically spit in the eyes of injustice. 

Why is she the only one in that whole damn town to not be COMEPLETELY HEARTLESS?! WTF IS WRONG WITH PARIS?!

"FUCK YOUR CHURCH!!!!!"


Which is cool. But do you see where my dilemna comes in? She pole dances....and the becomes an anarchist. WTF. And in the end she still falls for the wooden headed soldier. I'm sorry but that's just not right. It's like Quasimodo loves me but this guy is ripped. And blonde. And he has a horse or SOME OTHER SHIT. Quasimodo can fucking climb towers. TOWERS. That man was swings around 5,000 fucking feet over the ground and SINGS. That is awesome.

And what does Phoebus do?

GETS LOST IN HIS OWN HOMETOWN. WTF MAN?

So in the end she marries wooden headed soldier man and has a blonde wooden headed little rugrat that ultimately fucks everyone over in movie 2 with NEVER ENDING WHINING AND CURIOSITY.



Congrats Esme. You SOLD OUT. Then again what do you expect from a woman who thought to get PITY from the CATHOLIC CHURCH.

Emse: Dude free my people!!
Priest: I'm too busy getting blown by this underage child. (Silver takes this time to apologize to any Catholic readers here but honestly your asking for it.)

I mean seriously. The only thing I really admire about her character is that she fought the Catholic church so hard she almost got burned at the stake. BURNED AT THE FUCKING STAKE. She even spit in Frollo's eye when he told her she could still be saved by him. Which is cool. Although as far as comebacks go I think he beat her when he set fire to her PERSON.

I think every child who saw this movie looked like this afterwards...

"Dude...did we learn something? I can't tell."






NEXT TIME: The GOOD role models in Disney. We take a look at girls like Mulan, Megara, and Kiara (Yes, Simba's daughter)

Oh my god I can't get that damn song out of my head. No, really.

GOD HELP ME.


Meanwhile, omg Joss Whedon you are my IDOL. I mean wow. I had forgotten how much I loved you, but now it's back ten-fold. God bless you Joss. You and your lovely, angst ridden stories where NO ONE EVER WINS.

So Now that it's been a while I think I'm over the 2 part finale of the 4th Series of Doctor Who. Of course that doesn't mean I'm happy with it. Oh no. Don't get me wrong, cause it wasn't bad, but dear god it just felt somewhat....cheap. A cop out in some ways.  At Least Tennant is still here....for now >_>

Anyway, So now I've got everything ready for DragonCon....well everything major. I got the (FREAKING EXPENSIVE) hotel room that is so unfortunately located 8 miles away from the events, the majority of the costume (I decided to just stick with Mitsuru and now all I need is the shirt, scarf, and the armbands), and all things I will need signed. I couldn't afford the Firefly dvd for the cast to sign (oh well maybe next year >_<) but I do have some Torchwood, Voltaire, and Heroes  things to be signed. Maybe I'll even take one of my Doctor Who dvds in the hopes that they'll be a cast member from there to sign. It IS the 45th anniversary this year and they said they were going to do some things with that. Besides, you can't have the Torchwood cast (and all the other Brit Sci-Fi show cast members) present and not have Doctor Who cast members. That's just poor form.

I ordered some more new things (even though I really shouldn't have) like the John Barrowman autobiography because I heard a rumor he'd show up at DragonCon and god help me I adore that man so naturally I'll have to scream my fool head off and beg for an autograph and picture. Speaking of pictures can you BELIEVE they charge $60 for a picture with a celeb? OUTRAGEOUS! (I mean I'd pay that if I could get John Barrowman, Gareth David-Lloyd, AND James Marsters in one shot with me but alone? NO SIR.) Let's face it too, I WANT to read that autobiography. I admire John Barrowman...the man has put up with some shite let me tell you. And yet he still goes around and does what he wants and he's not gonna lets some IDIOTS make him feel bad. Hell no.

God I can't wait for August...really I can't.

Well off to Wal-Mart I go. We're going to shop around (My friends and I) and let me tell you I'm bringing the LIST. That's right. The WAL-MART LIST of BOREDOM. And we're gonna do at LEAST 8 of the things on there. Yes Sir.

Well I thought after a few days I would've gotten over the shock of the latest Doctor Who episode "The Stolen Earth" but alas no. I am still sitting around the house with a constant O_____O face. I mean HOMG can you say CLIFFHANGER? Cause I know I can after that damn episode.

If they get rid of David Tennant this freaking early I swear I'm getting on a plane and killing myself in front of the BBC building.

.........ok not really but dammit he better stay on!

Ok so technically I don't have my costume 100% put together but HOMG I so got the shoes and the skirt. I mean it took hours but I found the PERFECT ones and for CHEAP. I also got a pretty good Mitsuru wig. It's not really great but by god it's good enough for what I paid. Now if I could only find the shirt and the bow/scarf and then I'm in business!

Shouldn't be too hard.....right? O_O

THIS JUST IN! I'm going to have another costume! I've decided to cosplay as the 10th Doctor from Doctor Who. This was a completely spontaneous idea.

No seriously. I saw that you can (brace yourself Who fans) BUY sonic screwdrivers. No really. BUY THEM. And lemme tell you they are PERFECT replicas. Perfect.

So upon seeing them I decided to just go the whole mile and cosplay as Ten. The full on geek chic as he calls it. 3d glasses, psychic paper, sonic screwdriver, and coat of awesome. Hard part will be finding the clothes. Shoes will be easy. Tomorrow i go shop hopping and hopefully results will be found. More updates to come.

HOMG HOW MUCH DO I LOVE WHO? LET ME COUNT TEH WAYS....;p

HOMG. It's almost here. It finally hit me earlier today that it's almost time for DragonCon. God help me we're gonna look like total n00bs but I honestly don't care.

Seeing how this is my FIRST CON (I'm so dead) I have made list after list after list of things to do, places to go, people to stalk (I'M LOOKING AT YOU VOLTAIRE...and most likely drooling >_>), and time schedules. I realize this might also be because I can be EXTREMELY anal and my OCD tendencies have taken over me but again, I don't care.

For our starting year my friends and I have planned to go as the characters of Persona 3. HOMG WHAT WERE WE THINKING?!!?!
Could we have picked HARDER costumes? I don't think so. No, we just HAD to go as Persona 3 owing to it's AWESOMENESS and MINDBLOWING fan factor. Sigh.

I honestly don't know how we're gonna pull it off. I mean it's this late already and we haven't even STARTED yet. We should be shot.
Oh well.

Here's the rundown on who's who and how screwed we are:

Mitsuru Kirijou (Being played by the FABULOUS ME)


Junpei Iori (Played by my best friend)


Akihiko Sanada (played by a friend of my best friend)



Minato Arisato (played by my best friends nephew)


Chihiro Fushimi (played by my best friends sister)


Pharos (I think is being played by the guy who's playing Akihiko's brother)



Well that's all for now. Yes, I realize we don't have the FULL Main Team but who gives a crap. These are the characters we're going as so suck and deal. More DragonCon updates to come.

Yes I updated for the first time in AGES and not only that I'm doing two simultaneous posts. THE WORLD IS ENDING (and not for the usual reasons either.)

So now that I've bitched about that horrendous movie, I can keep to the good stuff. BOOKS. *audience groans painfully*


There is a 3rd book people. A 3rd Howl's Moving Castle book. This may not be much to anyone else but god help me I almost wet myself when I found out. And no, not like that. I merely meant I almost spilled my precious TaB all over myself while jumping around my room screaming "OMFG LIFE HAS MEANING AGAIN!!!"





...........Moving on. I did some shameless web browsing today and I actually found so many interesting things I not only got a 5 page booklist but I had 15 windows openat once. So once my computer stopping emitting flames and curses and I managed to heroically save the day (which no one witnessed but my dog who chewed up my stuffed Shakespeare doll at the time) I found some really neat things. In example: did you know that there are steam powered Daleks?

NOW THERE ARE

MY GOD THIS IS ULTIMATE NERD-DOM AT WORK AND I LOVE IT. Now if only we could make electrical powered Tardis' and use them to travel about in we'd be getting somewhere.

Also Luna Moths are so freaking awesome I swear.



But Squirrels are effing DEADLY.

I'm betting that Padme is whoring herself out to all this nuts during this.....





Moving on some more.....HOMG DRAGONCON IS SO FREAKING CLOSE!!!!

I can't wait. I mean I know it's my first con and I will probably be mugged, raped, or killed (possibly all three though hopefully not in that order...) I am losing my mind with anticipation. My team is going as the cast of Persona 3 and I DARE you a-holes to beat that shit. Seriously. BRING IT ON BITCHES.

So as I was strolling along one of my favorite websites, (Insert shameless promoting here) http://bookshelvesofdoom.blogs.com/, I stumbled across the knowledge that there is yet another movie being adapted into film. Normally this would cause me to erupt into fits of  spontaneous cheers and happy smiles. Sadly, that was not to be this time. And why?

BECAUSE IT'S THIS BOOK:




Yes, I'm as shocked as you are. Here's the biggest shock of them all though, Guess who's promoting this movie? THAT'S RIGHT. YOU GUESSED IT.

NICKELODEON.


Yes, you read that right. Nickelodeon.


No, I'm not kidding. Seriously.


Now I don't know about you but when I think quality children's programming my mind doesn't immediately jump to THONGS, SEX GODS, AND SNOGGING (for you non Brits, that's KISSING OR MAKING OUT)

Now I'm here to go gun toting with censorship, and I may be a TEENSY bit biased against this movie because Nick can have shite like this but GOD HELP US they can't have Invader Zim...

That being said lemme just give you a little summary of this book/movie so you'll understand my HORROR:

Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging is a coming of age story - a very British take on American high school movies like Clueless and Mean Girls. The film follows the eccentric and irresistible Georgia Nicolson as she overcomes the trauma of being a teenager and moves up the "snogging scale".


There's the first thing wrong with this: WTF IS A SNOGGING SCALE AND WHY IS IT IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE?! Trauma of being a teenager? NEWS FLASH, there is NO TRAUMA. Your just being a whiny little bitch who thinks no one understands her and her hormones have gone bat shit crazy. Wise up kids, it happens to EVERYONE. Therefore it's not trauma, it's LIFE.

Misunderstood by her ancient parents, but buoyed up by the love of her cat Angus and her best friends - "The Ace Gang" - Georgia struggles through life seeking out her two main desires: 1. To get a gorgeous sex-god as her boyfriend and 2. To throw the greatest 15th birthday party ever.
 
Ok, I have to say I'm not FOND of my parents either but so help me I would never call my mother ancient (not unless I wanted to get hit in the head by my own PS2 i wouldn't. No sir. Not AGAIN >_<) and also Did we notice the 15 yr old part. That's right 15 years old and already wanting a sex god. DOES SHE EVEN KNOW WHAT SEX IS? I mean it's not like she's American right? I'm not even gonna touch on the CAT LOVING. Seriously...it's too much.

When handsome brothers Tom and Robbie arrive at school, Georgia thinks her boyfriend dreams have been answered. But when she sees Robbie with her arch rival Lindsay, she devises a plan to show Robbie that she’s the mature, sophisticated girlfriend he deserves. Unfortunately Georgia’s plans - involving snogging lessons, stalking Lindsay, and dying her legs orange - don’t exactly run smoothly.

Again, I don't know about you but when I try to appear mature (as if I have to try. HA) I don't stalk people, or practice kissing. Seriously. I'm not even gonna touch on the whole "orange legs" thing cause unless it's something to do with her being half-alien, I honestly don't care.

 Alongside her own romance problems Georgia's parents are going through a turbulent time, with the result being that Georgia feels the responsibility for holding the family together rests on her shoulders. In her quest to get Robbie and keep her family from splitting, Georgia transforms from a selfish girl into a young woman.

So wait, lemme get this straight. She basically lies, cheats, and whores her way around this book but in the end she becomes a young woman?

Wow that actually makes sense.

(In case you can't tell I'm not a feminist. I do think Men are evil. Women are evil too. I'm proof of that.)

Moving on, just go watch the damn trailer. You'll hopefully share in my horror and we can all shed a tear over the way the world is going. Honestly sometimes I wish Global Warming would just happen already and maybe this shit would stop. Gee the polar ice caps are melting but gosh darn it I'm so gonna watch naked women on tv!